Hi! I’m Dr Maddie Smith…
But if you’ve come this far, you probably already know that, right? …Right?? Well if you didn’t, you can already start feeling inspired by the poignant & character-revealing words on the image there <<<
All jokes aside though, you might well be wondering what could possibly lead someone to become so invested in all things pain, suffering & transformation in such an unusual & obsessive kinda way.
Let’s just say that what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like– oops, sorry! Wrong conversation. Err… just read on to find out more – cos this page is all about me, me-me-me!
Let me introduce myself properly…
Hi! I’m Dr Maddie – Embodied Change Guide, multidisciplinary misfit, & creator of The Pain-Passing Framework – victim, villain & hero of my world… but I haven’t always embraced the truth of who I am.
In fact, I’m at the beginning of a journey to recreate an authentic life from the inside out…
…& it’s not just about me.
Me as a child – I know, I know: It’s RIDICULOUS how adorkable.
But now for the serious stuff.
As long as I can remember, my whole life was shaped by unprocessed pain.
My own – painful wounds I just couldn’t escape. Other people’s pain, unleashed upon me. The suffering & injustice in the world outside… & the worst part for me: realising that my pain was leaking out, adding to it all. That bit felt unbearable.
And yes – 99.96% of my attire is superhero themed. It’s just how I roll.
But back to the serious stuff.
Cos I know what it means to be the victim & villain in your own life, & to feel helpless to change. Trapped in deep emotional pain, shame, & existential crisis.
I was so overwhelmed by all this pain that I didn’t know where to start to try & find a way out of it all. Didn’t even believe there was one. I felt so alone.
Whilst I might look a tad unserious, it was a way to mask internal turmoil. Yah.
I dreamed of a life of meaning & purpose, but everything I tried to build – being a holistic practitioner, a career as a lecturer, a tour-guide in Paris – was created through this lens of pain, so I unconsciously kept recreating the very conditions I was trying to change.
I didn’t know then that we can’t build something new from inside the wound.
This isn’t personal – it’s true of all organising systems born from pain across the globe.
“She tried to save the world…a lot.” Kinda always got in my own way.
After Paris, I felt so broken – like I just didn’t belong. I settled for a low paid entry-level admin job… & 7 years passed.
Yes you read that right: 7 SEVEN years. Brexit. Covid. A collapsing world order.
The suffering caused by the systems around me – & across the world – that were designed to profit power at the expense of the people, finally laid bare.
But don’t worry! It’s not all bad.
Over those 7 years, I could no longer escape the shame of being me & I knew if I wanted my life to change, I had to learn how to work with my wounds.
I started to believe that I – that the world – could be something more. So I quit the very shitty, crappy, awful job & stepped off the cliff, trusting that the path would appear.
It did.
THANK F-
Keepin’ it clean, don’t worry.
And yes, ya girl got MOVES.
My whole life had led me to this point – clues hidden in plain sight like signal beacons guiding my way – through my passions, joys, & (of course) my pain.
In the spiritual & healing qualifications that punctuated my life since my teens, showing me how to heal my pain & guide others to do the same.
And yah, ya girl gots brains, too! The clues were hidden…
In my film studies degree, teaching me how to read the world reflected back to me, & how to move with ease between diverse disciplines & complex ideas.
In my PhD on vigilantism, showing me how pain is built into the systems of the world around us…
…how it moves – shaping our experience of life across the globe.
And – being the adventurous type searching for a place that felt like home – clues were also hidden…
In the wonder of discovery of self & other in Paris, & how connection & community open new possibilities for growth…
All against the backdrop of 4 decades of personal & relational suffering that had been my training ground for learning how pain moves, how it shapes worlds…
& how healing can too.
Yeah I REALLY wasn’t joking about the superhero attire
Now, I’m on my own personal journey of becoming – working with my pain to recreate my world from the inside out by consciously changing how I show up in this one:
1 – being the most authentic, fulfilled version of me that I can be…
2 – …& guiding others to do the same – co-creating a world built on values of compassion & equity.
Hah! Weren’t expecting a pic of my dog, were ya?!
Cos this isn’t just about my journey.
It’s about your journey too.
About OUR journey… because healing doesn’t happen in isolation.
Just like pain, healing moves too.
I mean, the “we are all stardust” symbolism here is strong, yo
It starts on the inside, allowing us to create a life for ourselves of our own design & creation…
…& with conscious intention, our healing ripples out into our relationships, our communities, & beyond – enabling us to find new solutions for the crises we face as a collective.
Cos let’s be honest.
That should say ‘Tres Cool Maddie’ Did I Stutter. No.
It’s never been more obvious that the world we live in is built upon systems of pain & suffering, designed to keep us small & divided to benefit the powerful few, who would see our planet burn to keep that power.
Our leaders & the structures they support have failed humanity: a world of pain.
It’s time for us – the collective – to find our way back to each other & start creating the new world together, even if we don’t live to see it.
But we can make a difference – right here, right now.
So if you want to live in a world NOT built on pain & suffering.
If you want to be the change: For you, for us.
WELCOME HOME
(…we have work to do!)
And now for the stuff you REALLY came to my ‘About Me’ page to discover:
My favourite film is Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965) by Russ Meyer – I know -how can a girl this cool NOT have such an awesome favourite film?!
My favourite books are – yes I have 3, in no particular order – Dracula (1897) by Bram Stoker (I know you knew that), Three Men in a Boat (1889) by Jerome K Jerome (you probably didn’t know that), and The Gun Seller (1996) by Hugh Laurie (yes THAT Hugh Laurie – you most definitely didn’t know that – read it, No Ragrets).
My favourite colour is forest green (I know you did NOT see that coming)
My favourite place in the whole wild world is Paris …duh
And finally, my favourite band: FIEND CLUB FOREVS YO